1. Nothing is better.
What's that? That's not a list, you say? You (the proverbial you, whoever you are), are correct. A list with one item is totally lame and not a list at all. 3 months ago, however, that is all I would have been able to type under this heading. Graduating college broke my heart into a million little pieces and I hardly had time to sweep them back into my chest before I was promptly removed from my housing and told to get a life (what good is a blog if you can't be a little dramatic?) I cried for days and then went off to work in the wilderness for the summer where I cried some more. Then, by some divine miracle, I stopped crying and started living my life again. A funny thing about camp is that there are catch phrases, acronyms, and quotes which we camp people accept as truth and spew at one another on repeat until we have memorized these truths and stitched them into the lining of our hearts so that we'll never forget them. One such 'truth' that I heard countless times: "Let the moose run. Eat some blueberries." Wise words from Douglas Wood, an author, musician, and naturalist who wrote a lovely book called Paddle Whispers which I intend to read someday soon. His words make more sense when put in the context of a longer poem; however, here's a rough translation: "Get over whatever is dragging you down, realize that you can't change your situation/save the world/ make things better for yourself in one day. Relax and eat some antioxidants, they're good for your health." (Note to self: must get better at paraphrasing, summaries are typically shorter than the original source). In short, I stopped crying and started living because I came to understand what Wood was hedging at- that life is too short to attack every issue at once, that you will surely have a longer, happier existence if you breathe and greet each day as it comes.
So. I am trying something new where I let the moose run (I've always liked blueberries so that last bit hasn't been too tricky to adopt). In my eyes, 'let the moose run' means 'let it go' or 'this too shall pass.' Some examples of me letting the moose run: I forgot how to communicate with older adults at a family party recently and entered into awkward conversation after awkward conversation during which I was asked several times whether I had graduated high school yet- let the moose run. My mom suggested that it might be best if I don't eat ice cream every day- let the moose run. I left a bag of brownie mix out in the open and my dog ate it and needed to be hospitalized- let the moose run. These aren't the best examples by any means, but proverbial you, you get the idea, right? By letting the moose run, I am also trying to embrace everything that is absolutely horrifying about my current situation (practically unemployed, living at home, far away from my very best people). Which can be hard. Hence the list that I lamely started 500 words ago and which I will try to continue now:
1. I can read for pleasure!
2. I won't be asked if I am a college first year any more (I'll just be mistaken for a high school freshman instead).
3. There is no way to lock myself out of my room.
4. I can follow the news (something I could have done before graduating but will absolutely grow up and do now).
5. I can move in with my friends from college like on Friends!!!
6. No more stressing about how much money I have on my student card to buy coffee- I'll just use real money now which is never stressful and always in abundance (I hope sarcasm shines through in the blogosphere).
7. This is the time of life where you're allowed to mess up, like you're supposed to make mistakes and blame it on being a twenty something post-grad who is lost and in denial.
8. After studying forever and discussing without acting and reading without doing... Now I can act! I can do! I can teach! It is exciting to be doing the thing I've been working towards for 4+ years, even if it is also nauseating and exhausting and terrifying.
9. More reasons to come- my entire life from this point on will be 'after graduation' so I'll undoubtedly add what's better about it as soon as I know.
I am not obtuse. I realize that the above list is a bit lackluster and at times sardonic. It's a start, though. Letting the moose run and getting stoked about creating a new life after leaving a very established, comfortable and blessed life behind is something I may be working on for years to come. In the time being, I'll eat my blueberries and figure out the rest as it comes. Moose be damned.
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